The Twenty Years – Reflections And An Upcoming Milestone After Parents Deaths – Part 2

Mom was released from the hospital, she came home to spend the rest of her life at home. I took care of her, my brother’s wife took care of her, family and friends came to visit. Hospice was brought in and this was my first experience with hospice. What a wonderful organization I am so glad they are here for us. During this time my mom and I talked, reminisced and spent a lot of time telling each other how much we loved each other. Since I was spending 24 hrs a day with mom she spent a lot of time filling me in on things, like what keys were for what item, where important papers were, dates on the calendar that she had stuff going on, most of all she had a lot of antiques that were her mom and dad’s so she made sure she told me about each and every one of them. Today I am so glad that she did that otherwise I would of just packed up those trinkets and got rid of them not knowing the significance of them. Mom got weaker and weaker so together we planned her funeral. The hospice nurses would tell me what phases of death she was going through and what to expect. My mom’s brother was driving in from California, she was not responding much the nurse told me that sometimes they hold on for people they love. She also remembered that my first wedding anniversary was coming up on March 22 and that under no circumstances was I to have the funeral on my anniversary and she told me John and I had to go out for a nice supper. My sister-in-law and brother were expecting their second child at this time. Mom wanted to know the sex of the baby before she passed so Lynn had a ultrasound so she could tell our mom the sex of the baby. The night before my mom passed my sister-in-law came over to spend the night and give me a break, my brother spent the night as well it was at that time they told her the sex of their baby. I went upstairs to sleep for the first time since mom came home. That next morning after my brother and John went to work mom passed away. She put up a good fight but she passed before my uncle made it to town. I feel she waited for me to not be by her side since I was by her side the whole time. The doctor had a pretty good prediction as she passed away three weeks to the day of her operation from a sarcoma that arose from her radiation treatment she had in her late twenty’s to treat her ovarian cancer.

My mom died 20 years ago on March 19, 1997, my dad passed away 23 years ago on April 22, 1994. Both parents passed away when they were 47 years old. In the early years after my mom passed I happened to be watching a interview with Madonna talking about her mother’s death at such a young age and she said she will not have closure until she has outlived the age her mom was when she died. That interview has stuck with me for the past 20 years. It’s another thing I think about each and every day. Will I live to make it to 47, will I die before 47, will I die at 47 just like my parents did. 47 seems to be the magic number. I am happy to say my brother has surpassed the age that our parents died at. He is now 48 years old and going strong! I am so close to my brother (it helps we only live 3 miles from each other). Now that we have gotten older I see so much of my dad in my brother it makes it feel like he is right with us. I have now come to the year I’ve been thinking about for the past 20 years. This year in November will mark my 47th Birthday. You will have to follow along to see if I make it past the age of 47 or will I be cursed like my parents, a huge milestone that I have been carrying around with me. Hopefully I will make it and on November 19 a day after my Birthday I can start a new life of not thinking about when I’m going to die all the time. I will have surpassed the age of both of my parents deaths and I can finally have closure and know I have out lived them.

Another thing I have often though about during these years is about not saying good bye to my dad and the precious time I had with my mom. I’ve had the experience to witness death both ways and have tried to wrap my mind around which one is the best way of going. I would have to say that it was better for me to have the chance to say good bye to a loved one. It was for a very short time but at least we got to say good bye. As we were cleaning out my dad’s things we would come across things that we had no idea what they were for and wished he was around to ask. So when mom went around and told me all kinds of things it made the transition to cleaning out her things so much easier. You usually don’t have a say in when, where and how a person dies but at least hopefully you can find comfort in it. If I would have to do it all over again I wouldn’t want my dad’s death to be a surprise I would of wanted to have a few days to spend with him alive to say I love you and till we meet again peace be with you. I’m sure I will still think about my parents each and every day from this day forward but come Nov 18th I can put one thing behind me move on and think of something else to worry about for the next 20 years.